he had had a long confused dream in which he had purchased a rifle at a pawn shop and felt self conscious carrying it on the subway, and on the street as he walked home. then he had hidden the rifle in a closet. to hide it from his mother, who had been dead for thirty years.
then in the dream he had woken up and found the rifle in the closet, and thought, it wasn't a dream. i really bought a gun.
and then he really woke up. a strange dream, he thought, as he had never had any interest in firearms or weapons of any sort, and never held one in his hands.
he had fallen asleep the night before thinking of all the humiliating moments in his life. it had taken a long time to remember them all.